When one says, ‘I feel like giving up’: What you have to say and not say so.
When someone says, “I feel like giving up,” it is hard to know what to say. You may be worried about saying the wrong thing, making the situation worse or not knowing how to help.
The most important thing is not to try to solve everything as soon as possible. Anyone who says they are tired of it may have to ask for a shoulder to cry on first before they have anyone to listen to them.
Related Articles
Such statements should also be taken seriously, especially when the person sounds hopeless or mentions death, suicide or hurting themselves. A calm and supportive response can make them feel less alone, and may open the door for professional help.
What You Should Say
“I’m here with you.”
Simple reassurance is powerful. Assure the person that he or she doesn’t have to suffer on their own. You don’t have to provide an answer. You don’t have to provide the perfect answer. Being present and listening can be very helpful in itself.
Related Articles
”Do you want to tell me what happened?”
It is okay to give them an opportunity to articulate what they are going through. Don’t rush to give your advice. Sometimes it is a good idea to talk through your emotions before you can come up with solutions for your problem.
“That sounds really difficult.”
It is not that you are saying no to their feelings; it is that you know they are hurting.
"Are you thinking about hurting yourself or ending your life?"
If you fear “giving up” could mean suicide, you should ask the question directly. Not asking about suicide doesn’t put the idea in someone’s head. It can instead give a person the chance to open up about what they are feeling. (nimh.nih.gov)
If they say yes, ask if they have a plan or access to something they could use to hurt themselves. Do not leave them alone if you believe there is an immediate danger. Help them contact emergency services or a mental health professional.
What You Shouldn’t Say
What should the person not say on the basis of dismissing/minimising what that person is feeling?
“Everyone has problems.”
If they did this they would think that their pain doesn’t matter.
“You have so much to be grateful for.”
Gratitude can help in everyday life, but if you tell someone in very emotional distress to be grateful you might be considered dismissive.
“Just stay positive.”
If you are struggling then you will not be able to turn off your distress just by thinking positive.
“Think about how this will affect your family.”
Fear and guilt are unreliable strategies for helping someone in need. They can become less inclined to express their emotions.
“You’ll be fine.”
You may say this to reassure them, but it might end the discussion. Thus, keep trying with them. Encourage them.
If you think someone is in immediate danger don’t try to tackle the situation by yourself. Tele-MANAS in India can be reached at 14416 for mental health support. If it is very serious to be self-harm or suicide take the person to the nearest emergency department or call emergency services immediately.
Supporting someone does not mean being a therapist. If you are a listener and you don’t try to help them, you can only help them connect with professionals who do the best you can.
Sometimes the most useful thing you can say is also the simplest: "I’m so pleased you told me. I’m here, and we’ll get you some help."
Comments 0