Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is one of the most talked about relationship trends in recent years. And whether you’re scrolling through dating apps like Hinge, browsing social media or listening to relationship podcasts, the term seems to be popping up more and more often than ever. Non-monogamous relationships have been around for centuries and so the more we know about ENM the more we realize what it’s by definition and why people are interested in it.
At its core ethical non-monogamy is the way people have more than one romantic or sexual partner with the full knowledge and informed consent of everyone involved. The word “ethical” is important because it distinguishes consensual non-monogamy from infidelity. When cheating, one or more partners are deceived or kept in the dark. In ENM honesty, transparency, communication and mutually agreed boundaries are the basis of the relationship.
To some extent, the increase in the visibility of ethical non-monogamy is linked to changing attitudes toward relationships. And younger generations are more likely to question conventional dating and marriage, and lifelong monogamy expectations. Not just one model of romantic commitment is the norm; many people are looking into different types of relationships that are compatible with what they feel is right for them as a society and what is right for them.
Related Articles
Dating apps have also played a big role in this. The way people have access to thousands of potential partners has changed the way relationships are constructed and evolve. More access to potential partners has made exclusivity, commitment and other kinds of relationship styles more common. Many are now openly saying they are in ENM or open to polyamorous relationships; in contrast, they did not make the cases for these arrangements much more visible ten years ago.
As supporters of ethical non-monogamy often argue, no one person can be able to take care of every emotional, intellectual, romantic, social, sexual need of a person for all their life. They feel that different relationships will satisfy different aspects of life if everybody agrees to the arrangement. ENM offers more autonomy than in the past, emotional honesty and freedom from expectation that is unrealistic for many people.
But relationship experts also note that this view is not widely held. Strong friendships, family and community relationships provide other forms of emotional support that don’t require multiple romantic relationships, they say. It might be unrealistic to expect a romantic relationship to meet every need, they add, but building one’s social circle can help solve it without changing the structure of a committed partnership.
Related Articles
History also shows that human relationships have never been in accord with a universal pattern. Anthropological investigations have found societies that practiced consensual non-monogamy, polygyny, polyandry and other family structures. But monogamy has evolved into a stable and valued relationship model in many cultures as well. By contrast, history shows that we have organised our intimate relationships in different ways based on culture, economy and society.
Consistent with this trend, ethical non-monogamy is not necessarily easier than monogamy. ENM is also very important for therapists to have very good communication skills, emotional maturity, trust, conflict resolution, and clearly defined boundaries. If partners are not fully aligned, jealousy, insecurity, time management and high expectations will make relationships hard.
Perhaps the biggest misconception is that ethical non-monogamy is simply about having multiple partners. ENM is not about having multiple partners but continuous consent, mutual respect and regular communication. All parties involved must truly want the arrangement instead of just being pushed into it because they feel pressure from others to get rid of a partner or that a partner is not the right one or the same power dynamics exist. In the absence of enthusiastic and ongoing consent even an open relationship can become emotionally unhealthy.
We may have been able to increase ENM visibility through the internet and social media by normalising different types of relationships. As more people are sharing their experiences online, alternative relationship styles have become part of mainstream dating discussions rather than niche topics. But increased visibility does not mean better suitability. As monogamy is better suited to certain people, ethical non-monogamy is better suited to others.
There is no single formula for successful relationships. Some people are better suited to long-term monogamous relationships and others are better suited to consensual non-monogamy. And what matters most is honesty, respect and consent, trust and open communication in every relationship. And when we are in love and commitment terms we will need to keep ethical non-monogamy at the core of the conversation of how people build meaningful relationships.
Comments 0